it goes on

so i've been thinking about me coming home and how some may see this as my adventure being over. in some ways it is. i mean, i won't be "livin' it up in cali!" anymore. but i'm going to keep blogging. this has become so much more than me simply bragging to all of you about how great the west coast is. it has become so much more and i know i've discussed this in previous blog posts but it's true. i'm really finding my voice as a writer, something i never even thought of before all of this, and i also just love knowing that the people i love know things about me that i wouldn't normally talk about (or at least talk about in a somewhat eloquent way)...so i've decided, the blogging will continue. now, i don't blame you if you become uninterested (disinterested?) since i won't be globetrotting all the time like i thought i would be. but hopefully i'll still collect a little bit of insight, or at least humorous anecdotes each day.  and yes, i am blogging about blogging...just in case anyone was unsure. so as long as you guys want to hear what i have to say (and probably even after that) i will keep on keepin' on.

it's truly amazing to me how much more confident i am becoming. i've always thought of myself as a pretty confident person, or at least someone who's generally comfortable with themselves. but i'm really starting to establish my core values and beliefs and i see myself implementing them into my everyday life instead of just talking about them.  being in a city knowing virtually no one has given my the space and ability to just be completely myself at all times and i can't wait to bring this new and improved me home. i was thinking about this today as i walked around in my joveralls yet again.  i noticed more than i did previously people's looks when i passed by or when they drove by in their cars or bikes.  it was amazing to me how many jaws actually dropped at the sight of seeing a 20 something wearing overalls just for the heck of it. i can't believe that our society has come to a point where it's more shocking to the general public to wear full length denim overalls than to wear underwear for shorts. these are things that just don't make sense to me and never will.

today i went to michael's and got knitting needles and a fatty ball of pink yarn for the 10 year old living in the house. her name's briana and she's really shy but adorable and kind of dorky which i love. she's been staring at me knitting for days so i thought it was time to teach the kid.  when i brought it downstairs and gave it to her, her face was priceless. the best feeling i've had in a while. she was sooo exicted. and about knitting of all things. so we sat there, on the heinously apholstered couch, and i taught her how to knit. she got it right away and is probably already better than i am. that small moment made me really excited to be a mother, aunt, grandmother, etc. i can't wait to pass things on to those younger than me. it's such a fulfilling feeling. it's weird but beautiful to think about even after we pass those things on, and even after we pass from this life into the eternal, things go on. life goes on. it goes on. and on.

i just started reading the book by chris cleave entitled little bee. it's so good already and i'm only on page 13. it's one of my mom's favorite books so of course i have to at least see what it's like. i just wanted to share a small part from the book. it's one of the most beautiful sentences i have ever heard. it really made me think about people's struggles or "crosses to bear" as some would say, and how these are really things in which we should find beauty or joy, not sadness:

"in a few breaths' time i will speak some sad words to you. but you must hear them the same way we have agreed to see scars now.  sad words are just another beauty. a sad story means, this storyteller is alive. the next thing you know, something fine will happen to her, something marvelous, and then she will turn around and smile."

i think we too often get caught up in others' and our own sorrow and tribulations.  we fail to see that while this is sad, it's also beautiful because it means we're living. it means we feel. that we are lucky enough to feel. and lucky enough to understand pain and heartache and struggle. we also often times, fail to remember that it will get better. there is hope. we have reason to hope. reason to believe that things will get better and we will be happy and smile.