head full of doubt road full of promise

i don't get why i can't just trust. trust myself enough to know that i'm making the right decision. trust God enough that He's leading me in the right direction. trust myself enough to think that i'm headed in the right direction. trust God enough to know that there even is a right direction. see i could go on like this forever. i know that it's all going to work out. i know that i'm doing at least what i feel is right. but then why is it hard? why do i have any doubts whatsoever? why is a part of me sad that i'm leaving in  days when most of me is dying to get on that plane? it's very frustrating being this indecisive and fickle about my feelings. i'm really trying to stop that; you know, trying to stick to one feeling at a time. i'm finding that it's a very difficult art to master.  i just wish i could be so set in how i'm feeling at one particular moment that nothing could shake me. i wish sometimes that i could easily detach myself from situations. but i can't. it's just the kind of person i am. my heart and soul get so intertwined with whatever situation i'm in at any given moment. which i guess could be looked at as a blessing just as easily as the curse i sometimes see it as.  i know i shouldn't complain about being involved and passionate, but it does make things like leaving a lot harder. but it also makes the future more exciting. knowing that whatever i end up doing, i'm going to love it so much. and i won't mind being intertwined in it because it will bring me joy and peace.  that's all i'm really looking for. and that's why i'm so excited to get back home. joy and peace and the rest will follow.