Sunday, January 16, 2011

people are crazy

i have come to realize this simple fact a lot in the past few months.  which is why i love people so much and why the human race is so completely fascinating to me. i mean, people really are crazy.  we as people feel some weird need to consume our lives with things at all times.  whether those are good or bad things depends, but we all do.  work, school, romantic relationships, friendships, problems, sports, material possessions, music, art, media,'s alway something.  thinking about this notion has forced me to think about the many things that i am constantly using as a means of consumption. what do i fill my time with? what makes up my life?  of course i would love to be able to say my life is completely filled by love and god and happiness. but i would just be kididng myself and whoever's reading this if i were to say that.  those things are definitely part of it, and while i wish they were a lot bigger (i'm always wishing they were bigger) i'm still human and i have things about me that i'm not proud of.  i think my biggest consumption is thought...but i don't mean in a good way. i'm sure some people could see that as a positive and not a negative but for me, it really is something that i struggle with. and of course, i let things like those i mentioned previously consume my time and energy as much as the next average joe, but thought is my daily struggle.  i mean, i could think for days, hell, probably weeks about the most random and unimaginable things.  i dwell way too much on things, sometimes on things that haven't even happened abd probably never will. do you know what i mean when i say that? i am creepily good at thinking about something, and then overthinking, and then overthinking some more.  i believe that's why i'm so sensitive. i take everything in, but i take too much from it.  my mind is literally always running, even when i'm calm and relaxing...even when i'm not worried. i'm always thinking so much about things. sometimes i wonder what it would be like to just have a day off.  to just not think for a day. i'm sure it would be pure bliss. that's what my heaven's going to be i think. no thought. 

even though it's really frustrating and i don't enjoy struggling with it, the fact that i think too much is a part of who i am. and i can work on it and get better with it, but it will in some way, always be a part of me. i've decided that it's better to just accept and love things about yourself and others (especially) that are hard for you to do so. because that's when love is at it's best. when it's hard but you still do it. so just remember that, and make sure you appreciate those crazy sons of bitches that for some weird reason, love you even when you're weird and annoying and hard to put up with.

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