1.) i'm happy
2.) tom bosley, aka mr. c from happy days, died yesterday so i thought i'd pay tribute...so here's to you mr. c for all your days on this beloved tv classic and more recently, a series of GLAD commercials
i'm wired right now (if you couldn't already tell by the unnecessary intro) so i thought it would be a good time to blog. i just got off the phone with my dear friend danny duggan (shoutout!) and i just feel good ya know? there's just certain people that make you feel good when you talk to him and he's definitely one of them. i'm really blessed because i feel like i have a lot of those people in my life. i just want to take this time and thank all of you who have been so encouraging and loving to me already since i've been gone...words can't express how much that means to me on a daily basis. i really am lacking in the affection department here...i mean to the point where the only hug i've had so far was tonight and it was from a delirious two year old who only hugged me because my wristwatch can light up. so even getting text messages from you guys honestly makes my day. i know i was really emotionally upset last night in my blog and so i would like to announce that YES i am emotional and have been getting upset lately...but that's just it...i'm supposed to be! it's normal! sharon really calmed me down this evening when i was rambling to her about how i was feeling. and she said, "caitlin, i get a sense that you're just someone that cares. and being upset about what you see and what these women tell you is normal. it's okay. don't be so hard on yourself." i mean she's right. i'm being insanely hard on myself...i think it's because i feel like i've been here already for a month (which i can't decipher if that's a good or a bad thing yet) but truth is, hasn't even been a week. i can't expect myself to know how to gaurd my heart and protect myself emotionally in these situations yet. this is more complex than a relationship with someone. because you care about the person you're serving, but you can't let that person shake you, because you're there to help. i don't even know if that's right or if i'm wording it how i actually think about it, but i have to tell myself these things to keep me sane...and i mean, it's pretty obvious that i'm already close to the edge on that one.
in other news, i'm shopping around for a couple things.
a.) a bike...my dawgs are a' barkin and i need a better mode of transportation than a pair of gladiator sandals...kathryn rose seaton has been helping me in this venture...this chick knows what she's talkin about...even if i don't
b.) a thing of paint because i'm pretty sure i'm going to paint a tree in my room on one of my walls...or at least paint something. so i'm excited about that.
c.) a spiritual director...i've always thought it would be cool to have one, at least for a while and this is the perfect time because i already know i'm gonna have a lotta shtuff to sift through.
today i went downtown again...i love it...i must look like the most ADHD person anyone on those streets has ever seen...i think i walk into every store and just gaulk at stuff because i want to know what's in there...it's all so new and exciting. i went to a bike store called bicycle express and talked to the woman who owned it for over an hour...she was so nice and helpful...any question i had, she knew the answer and she let me test out all the ones i was interested in...there's a few i have my eyes on but i don't know if i can justify spending more than 100 dollars on one (is that unrealistic? i'm finding that it seems to be)...but i mean, i will use it literally every day so a few more dolla dolla bills shouldn't be a big deal. i also went to an italian cafe and had a rasberry italian soda...my favorite! and it was my carbination for the week so it was a real treat (we don't have soda at the house and i'm limiting myself to once a week which has been interesting considering i was up to 3 cokes a day before i left...definitely had some withdrawl headaches.) i went to noon mass at the cathedral downtown, st. joseph's...which was beautiful but horrible acoustics...the priest sounded like the governator ahhhnold...i was very distracted by that and started laughing during the gospel...you know when you get church laughs and you just can't stop it? well i literally had to remove myself from the church for a hot minute while i calmed down...god, i really sound like i belong in the looney bin in this post. welp, ya win some and ya lose some i guess. after mass i went to the library and got a library card which i'm really excited about! their library is amazing...nothin like the one in good 'ol webster groves. after i got home i took a much needed shower and read...i then went down into the sun room and read while i waited for the women to get home...i honestly feel like a parent of teenagers. they have a curfew of 5:45 every night because we have dinner together at 6...tonight, no one was home before 6. and the other one didn't come back until 9:30 which i was really upset about because she's the one i've already bonded with and i for sure thought she had already broken my heart and left without a trace...but she did come back...and with a little 2 year old! her name's cj (what what!) and she's adorable...she gave me the biggest hug ever and for some weird reason, i think she knew it was exactly what i needed. and it was. i'm just in such a better place now with things...i've accepted that this is going to be emotionally draining and that this is not what i thought it was going to be. i'm so blessed to have so many people that love and care about me. i'm also blessed that i'm living here out of choice, not out of necessity. i'm overjoyed that their is now a child in the house...i love kids and she's just so stinkin cute so i think it will be great. so that's all for now...i need to lay down before my feet detach themselves from my legs...so i leave you with these simple yet profound lyrics from on of my favorite re runs...because sometimes, it's just better to look at things in a completely positive light then for their face value.
these days are all,
happy and free. (those happy days)
these days are all,
share them with me. (oh baby)
goodbye grey sky, hello blue.
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